Sometimes a book comes across your Too Be Read List and you’re a little uncertain if it’s a book you should read. Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin was one of them for me. I had read his book The Fire Next when I heard it referenced by a few podcasts I was listening to during the “George Floyd Era”, and I was hooked by his voice and prose. I watched his interviews with Nikki Giovanni and his debate against William F Buckley Jr. I have since viewed them both several times.
But I hadn’t dove into his works of fiction if Giovanni’s Room can be called that. It’s a “coming out” novel and is very personal to James Baldwin’s own journey. To which as a white straight guy I kinda felt like it might be a novel that wasn’t for me. A Google search has it listed as “Gay Literature”, and after having read the novel I think that’s a bit minimizing its scope and potential impact.
But the novel did speak to me. It’s a novel about self identity and the difficult and sometimes self sabotaging journey that can be. That those mistakes along the way are as much a part of that journey as the final destination is.
For James he found himself in Paris, and so does his character, David.
Tumblr was my Paris.
When David in the novel separates from his girlfriend Hella, they have a fearful freedom from one another. I felt that when I left my relationship with Christianity of 20 years. In a metaphysical no-man’s-land I had no moorings of religion, philosophy or political identity.
Like David from the novel it was a scary and exciting time. I used Tumblr, a blogging platform as a space to explore my interests uninhibitedly and anonymously. It’s been many years and several blogs, some more feral than others. Hopefully I’ve left no Giovannis in the wind, but every Tumblr interaction was a point of understanding myself, truly and not by an exterior metaphysical identity.
But every blog I’ve had is some part of me. I’ve pruned some parts off that felt unhealthy or unwise and I know myself better. Even those parts are still me in a way. Like those blue pieces of paper at the end of the novel. I can cast them into the wind, but it happened and it was me, and I have found some foundational moorings to give me direction.
I can understand why straight men, or men who identify as straight may shy away from this novel. But don’t. It’s a brave journey through the self, a beautiful testament to the courageous writing of James Baldwin He’ll always be a part of my life.
Have courage
Leave a Reply